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Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean
Mid-Life Chrysalis is the ninth episode in the first season of The Venture Brothers. Storyline The Monarch has captured Team Venture deep in the bowels of the Amazon Rainforest and is ready to lower them to be eaten by man-eating candiru, when suddenly Dean begins to squirm and yelp in extreme pain. Dr. Venture spouts off a law based on their field of adventuring that states that any victim that needs time to recuperate may do so, and that he and Dean will be going off to help find out what's wrong. Monarch agrees, but insists upon taking Hank as a prisoner to make sure Dr. Venture will come back, but Brock also comes along to gaurentee that Hank will be safe. Dr. Venture soon learns that what Dean has is testicular torsion and that if they don't operate soon, Dean's testicles will shrivel up and become useless. To save them, he enlists Master Billy Quizboy and Peter White to help, mostly because Dean is shy and immature enough to refuse to let his father operate upon, much less undress, in front of him. Thence follows a harrowing sequence where Billy Quizboy and Dr. White take probably a longer amount to do the surgery than they should, losing the testicle (finding it under the table), Billy's good hand being skewered by the scaple, and plenty of breaks-Dr. Venture himself is enjoying a nice sandwich and drink nonchantanly as he sits back and watches television. Finally, the surgery is complete. Dr. White saved Dean's pubes for him (Dean had just grown them), H.E.L.P.eR. gives a melted popsicle, Dr. Orpheus gives a decorative skull, and Triana merely comes up and ignores the surgeon's urges to kiss Dean and asks him if this is the most embarrasing day of his life. Dean agrees. It had been the Monarch's birthday, and most of the gifts from his henchmen are piddling, and even then the Monarch is stuck entertaining Hank, who has switched to wearing a henchman costume with the Monarch's decorative crown on it for lack of clean clothes. Brock, however, has instead given the Monarch what he truly wants-a real supervillain-and-hero fight. Brock begins to take down henchmen by the bucketload, fighting his way through the Monarch's 'devious' traps and defenses (some flesh-eating butterflies had been released, only to have been dead for a while due to hunger), and eventually gets to Dr. Girlfriend-who mistakenly thinks that Brock was going to take advantage of her, only to be dissapointed when he didn't. Soon a standoff is in the messy, bloody headquarters of the Cocoon, with Brock holding Dr. Girlfriend hostage with a knife to her neck and demanding Hank in a trade, with the Monarch gloriously proclaiming Hank has gone to his side and evil (actually just the Monarch being pompous). Suddenly, the communicator screen pops up with Dr. Venture online, proclaiming that the surgery is done and upon viewing the wreckage demands to know what is going on-Brock and the Monarch make half-baked excuses as to what happened. Soon it is a repeat of the first scene-the Monarch finally has Team Venture in his grasp, ready to be destroyed! Suddenly Hank begins to squirm and yelp in unbearable pain... At the very end of the show, a poorly-made public safety video regarding testicular torsion is made, with all the Venture family obviously reading cue cards (there eyes trailing from right to left in the viewer's sight), stating obviously-made-up lines, and the boys wearing protective helmets. They assure the viewer that if he has testicular torsion, he should 'stop, touch, and tell'! Quotes (Hank is looking through the adventurer's field guide, at a list of supervillains) Monarch: Well look under M, for (shakes fist, intimidating glare) MONARCH!! Hank: Nope, don't see you there. Monarch: Really? Well, look under T, for (same fist-shaking and intimidating glare) THE MONARCH!! #24: I'm telling you, they're mammals! Smurfs have hair! #21: But there's only one female servicing the population! (Brock comes up and smashes the henchmen's heads against the other, knocking them both out) Dr. Girlfriend: You're going to take advantage of me, aren't you? (removes the bedsheets to reveal her impressive body in underwear) Well, make it quick! Brock: Well, to be honest, the thought never crossed my mind... Dr Girlfriend (obviously dissapointed): Well, I'm not going to beg. Trivia *Doc Hammer wrote this episode, basing it off his own bout with testicular torsion. Thankfully, he has fully recovered. *The law that allows Dean and Dr. Venture to go off is known as 'Rusty's Law', based on Dr. Venture's childhood nickname, due to Dr. Venture being kidnapped so often he needed time off to recover.